Today marks 2 years, or 730 days, since I became teetotal.
By my old habits, that’s 730 bottles of wine NOT drunk (probably many, many more).
That’s around £7K (I’ve NOT flushed down the toilet (ouch, how my credit rating has always been so tidy is an absolute mystery).
730 mornings of waking up feeling healthy.
730 days of realising I’m not, in fact, prone to depression, I’d just been causing depression for nearly 20 years by self-medicating my anxiety with alcohol.
730 days of getting used to not having to diet to be slim(-ish) because I’m not drinking an extra meal’s worth of calories each night or craving junk food.
730 days of not feeling dog-tired ALL THE BLOODY TIME.
730 days of realising that although I love spending time with people, I’m actually an introvert and need plenty of time to myself. I wonder whether anyone truly loves socialising in huge groups…. perhaps there’s a reason large get togethers are usually booze-soaked.
730 days of realising that I look forward to Friday nights even more now that there’s no wine involved. Sounds crazy, I would never have believed it, but there it is. The excitement I used to hold for Friday night wine, I now hold twofold for retro film night with my husband and teenaged son. And now – bonus! -I get to stay awake and remember the film!
And the absolute clincher:
730 days since my 22-month-old daughter perhaps saw her miserable, depressed mummy with one last glass of wine in her hand.
Now she’s nearly 4, and will only ever know me as a teetotaler.
Out of curiosity, I just asked my 6 and a half year-old son if he ever remembers Mummy drinking wine, perhaps a long time ago. He looked confused about why I was asking. His answer was “no”; he also can’t (consciously) remember that version of me with the wine glass permanently glued to my hand each evening.
These past 2 years have been both the hardest and the most amazing of my life, firstly overcoming alcohol addiction, then losing two people I loved very much, one tragically young. I feel so incredibly grateful to be sober and to finally be able to count myself as a resilient person. Thank you to everyone for your amazing words of support over the past two years.
Especially my super amazing husband, and also my beautiful best friend, who isn’t here any more but was so incredibly supportive of my sobriety at the hardest time of her own life.